But, the truth is … in order to be true to our own hearts, we have to learn to stop people pleasing!
Not only that, but when we are motivated by pleasing others, we lose sight of our own joy! We become confused about our own desires and we separate from our true sense of self!
I avoided conflict like the plague, and, therefore, I had no sense of boundaries or how to honestly communicate my needs, feelings, and desires.
And I still never felt like I was enough!
I had unknowingly sacrificed my relationship with myself! …. But I still never received the love, support, and validation that I was longing for!
Here are 3 things that we empaths need to know to finally stop people pleasing!
1. You have inherent worthiness and dignity (and so does everyone else)!
When we can own our own worthiness, we can begin to stop people pleasing!
When we no longer need outside validation to feel worthy, we listen to our hearts more! And we become more honest about our needs, feelings and desires so we can be free to shine our unique light!
If we could see ourselves from the perspective of Spirit, we would never doubt how beautiful, valuable and brilliant we each are!
But, throughout our lifetime, most of us have internalized the critical and controlling voices from our culture and families.
So instead of deeply knowing our inherent value, we wonder if we have value at all.
We hide our unique expression in favor of people-pleasing and conforming.
But, what if you could reconnect with that part of you that has never doubted your worth to begin with? What if you could examine and silence those critical voices?
Try for just one day to look at yourself through the eyes of compassion. See everything that you do as if you were watching a beloved friend.
Notice – how does this affect those critical voices in your head? How do you carry yourself? What are you able to accomplish?
2. You deserve love and belonging no matter what!
And when we believe that we deserve rejection, judgment, and punishment it is more difficult to stop people pleasing!
When I was young, I felt rejected and shamed everytime I felt anger (ohmygosh …. women and anger and our current societal programming …. what a mess!)!
So, I internalized that I deserved rejection and shame for feeling a natural human feeling! … And then I began to reject and shame myself whenever I felt that emotion!
This is a totally normal experience in our society, of course, but it doesn’t mean that it’s the treatment that you deserve! And when you can accept and love yourself as you are, you can begin to free yourself from the grasp of constant people-pleasing!
No matter what you are experiencing in any moment, you still deserve love, connection and belonging!
The world may not agree. The world may withhold and punish and condemn, but YOU can decide to love yourself anyway.
3. It’s an inside job.
People pleasing happens when we are focused on people other than ourselves. We tune into their needs, desires, and expectations so that we can make them happy.
To kick the habit, we need to reorient our attention inward and prioritize listening to our own hearts over listening to feedback from others! We need to learn to pay attention to our own needs, desires, and feelings! … And then make ourselves happy!
Supporting and validating ourselves as we are is the most powerful way to kick our habit of people pleasing!
So, how can you show up for yourself in a loving and supportive way?
To understand how to support yourself in the most meaningful way, I recommend thinking of 3 recent situations where you felt unsatisfied or unsupported.
Write down these situations and focus on what exactly felt unsupportive. Now, write down how you would have wanted to be treated instead.
Look at what you’ve written about how you wanted to be treated. What do you notice? Are there themes between the 3 situations? Use the insight from that journaling exercise to come up with 2-3 ways that you could step up for yourself in a new way!
But, at his point in my life I’ve completely committed to having my own back and loving myself under all conditions. And now that I’ve developed an unstoppable relationship to self-love, not only am I free to be myself, but my life has improved in every way!
The surest way to stop people-pleasing is to commit to loving yourself as you are and supporting yourself no matter what!
So, if you’re ready to leave people pleasing behind as well as 🌟quiet your self-judgment, 🌟increase your self-compassion, 🌟align your life with the perspective of your Highest Self, 🌟and truly learn to love yourself as you are, sign up for Unstoppable Self-Love today!